sábado, 10 de enero de 2009

Swimming lessons

So I was wondering why the change from China to Brazil. There were many reasons to pick China, but the main reason was spiritual. In the process of looking for happiness, and after realizing the search should be inside, I was looking for a friendly environment to develop spirituality, and nothing like the biggest Buddhist country in the world. I wanted to learn to swim, so I choose a quiet, not very deep pool to begin. Coming to Brazil, and specifically to Sao Paulo, was like falling in the sea for my first swim.
I thought that the process of moving to another country, where I would not have any family or friends, where I would be completely alone for a lot of time, would be easy in China, as westerns are an attraction, many people wants to be friends, and there’s not much social pressure as there is in western countries.
After almost three months in Brazil, I realized that at the end it was better to fall in the sea with high waves and sharks, as swimming was a matter of life and death. There was one weekend I almost drowned, but I remembered that the whole idea was to continue with the interior process and only then I began to float.
Although I loved the city and the country, was very happy with the job I came for, everyone of my colleagues was very special, and all the other issues as exercise, entertainment, food among other were on track, there was something missing. I was loosing the fight to my mind, having external quick sparkles of happiness only, instead of continuing the process of internal search for structural happiness. Feelings I had eliminated long time ago like frustration, envy and loneliness, where slaps that made me realize where I was going.
When finally I was aware that was moving backwards, that my life was trying to make it’s own path again without my consent, I took the wheel and got back on road. Happily I have been writing a roadmap I can always refer to.
As in any process we make mistakes. I took my eyes from the road for a second and when I realized, I was far away from I wanted to be. It’s a lesson that the social strength but overall the mind makes good use of weak times to get a hold of our lives control. Happiness is a continuous process, and a road that requires a lot of attention. Happiness is a verb that implies action, not an adjective that simulates a decision.