Jump

Living under our sense of security, is very uncommon to loose some of what we handle, even if is taking us apart from what we want in life. Acting the society rules we usually follow, we know deep inside if we are going our way or the people’s way, but the decision of letting go what we have, what we have achieved, to follow some odd idea that seems crazy to the people around us, it’s sentenced to death even before the first thought.
From other very known book, I read that the world conspires in favor of those who follow their dreams, meaning that although we can not guarantee from the beginning that everything it’s going to be as great as we would like, if we take those hard and crazy decisions following our hearts instead of our minds, things begin to happen, helping our dreams to be achieved. It’s like jumping into the darkness without knowing what’s down there, but hoping the best.
Well, for me, it was time to make one of those steps. After my life was on track again, I was happy, felt satisfied but needed a change. I wanted time for me outside the city routine, wanted to see everything as new, wanted to be curious about people, traditions, places, food, language, wanted to recover time lost and enjoy small but rewarding pleasures, I wanted to discover again all the things I knew. So I decided to move to another country. My choice? China.
To move to China would be like being born again. Everything new, I would have to learn everything, beginning with Chinese, traditions, food, religion and so on. I wanted a change and this would make it. So, instead of just planning as I did before, I made all the arrangements for the move. University, visa, explored job options, travel locations, everything was set. But suddenly the plan changed.
A great opportunity appeared, and my almost sure trip to China changed for Brazil. An incredible opportunity impossible to reject, if I had asked for that option, would have been very difficult to get it, but then I remembered what the book said, and I understood. I wanted a change, I took the decision, made the step, and the world conspired to help me achieve what I wanted. Maybe China wasn’t the best option, or maybe isn’t the best option right now, but instead of letting my life go to the drift, I jumped and as I’m falling, I’m realizing the dark place wasn’t so bad. Maybe there’s something I must learn in Brazil, maybe there’s someone I should meet, or maybe I have to live something there to prepare for the future. As far as I know, everything happens for a reason, and what happens is the best thing for me.

Releasing ballast

Before the heart attack, I read a lot of books that stated that people should live the present instead of past or future. I understood the concept but in our daily race is difficult to forget about everything that happened and might impact our future, the image people has from us, the consequences past acts might have, and our future too: meetings, tasks, challenges, and so on. In that time, the carpe diem motto sounded like a reason for laziness to me. As we live with the confidence of the average life of 70+ years, we are worried mainly about setting everything for a better future.
After realizing that most of our worries are about things we cannot anticipate or things we can plan but we cannot guarantee, and that those worries destroy any hint of tranquility we could enjoy, in my search for internal happiness I decided to apply all that theory and cliché phrases and live the day without worrying unnecessarily. This helped me to get a more relaxed perception of things. I finally understood that many of our torturing thoughts are out of our control and we should do everything in our hands to achieve the desired result, but loose the day and night worries.
The process surprised many friends and peers who knew me as someone who had everything planned, and the idea even seemed like lack of interest in people and things. When my girlfriend argues because in some months we’ll be separated and my answer is “don’t worry, we are together right now and that’s what matters” my love for her might be at stake from her point of view, but inside, I know many things can happen in that time, and that by worrying, I cannot change what happens or I cannot extend time. I just enjoy the day with her, and when the time comes I will confront the situation. But imagine being sad for months and at the end the visa isn’t approved. That’s too much free worries, and if you add work issues, family issues, money, even holiday destination becomes a problem; you might be charged full with no reason worries.
The road to happiness is long and full of obstacles, but a lot of our main reasons for bitterness and preoccupations, come from our minds. It’s easier and better to walk that road light, free of useless weight, and thinking a lot about the future doesn’t allow us to enjoy the things and moments we have in the present. This is one of the ballast we can liberate from, throw it away and enjoy what you have in front for a change.